Challenging Myself

Once upon a time, I was a writer. Stories, book reviews, academic papers, poetry. Most days I wrote in my journal and kept a written record of my heart. I even had several pieces published, for crying out loud. Now it seems that the only time I reach for pen and paper is to make a grocery list, a weekly menu, a library list, a spelling list, or an agenda for a church board. Domestic responsibilities have seemingly drowned my creativity in the mundane.

That's going to change this year. And it starts today as I write this blog instead of writing the grocery list I know I should be making. A friend who read my blog the other day asked why I don't write more often. Looking back, I realized that I wrote 9 entries in 2008, 5 entries in 2009, and 3 entries last year. I've become so busy editing other people's words that my own seem to have dried up. There's my second excuse.

It all boils down to that, doesn't it? Excuses. I'm too busy with domestic responsibilities, homeschooling, church duties. I'm too busy keeping my finger in the page of my editorial career so that someday when Ben is grown I'll be able to work full-time again.

I recently discovered Emily Freeman's blog, "Chatting at the Sky." (Okay, so it was work-related...I'm currently editing her first book for Revell. But getting this project was providential, as you'll see.) I keep going back to her entry "5 ways to know if the art has to wait." And here's what she challenged me with: "All these things [homeschooling, work, church, etc.] could be reasons why you have to wait. BUT...they could also be excuses. It is important to know if you are waiting because of wisdom, because it truly isn't the right time. It is also important to know if you are waiting because of fear." She goes on to offer some insights on telling the difference.

Those words were spurs in the sides of this old nag! My falling out of love with writing does not come from fear. And while my life is busy, it's not as busy as the lives of most thirty-somethings I know. Ben is getting older and doing more things for himself. I could make time for this. After all, I make time to watch Hawaii Five-O every Monday night. My real problem is laziness. Lack of intentionality. With God's help and a bit of encouragement from you, dear reader, I pray I will be more intentional about writing and about sharing my words with others.

Lord, you know I desire to put words on a page. And not just any old words, but words that reflect you, that tell others about your goodness in my life. I was a writer once. Help me to be a writer once again. For my best good and for your glory.